By now, you already know if you’re a fan of the Minions, those yellow, capsule-like servants who work for Gru in the Despicable Me films. Even if you’ve never seen the films, you likely know who they are — Universal Pictures has been working overtime to market them this summer, and they’re positively inescapable these days. The Minions are so cute, right? Such a shame that they have so little to do in the films, though. Well, if you’ve always wanted to know more about where the little guys came from and why they do what they do, you’re in luck. They now have their very own big, shiny prequel, titled (appropriately) Minions. If you’ve ever dreamed of seeing the Minions be the lead characters in a film, you should go see this right now. If you like family-friendly entertainment or fun super-villain capers, run — don’t walk — to your nearest multiplex. If you — no, wait. Strike all of that. There is absolutely no reason that you should see Minions. It’s dreadful.
It starts off very promisingly, though, which only makes it that much more of a letdown. The film begins with an inspired prologue (that’s the only time you’ll see that adjective in this review) that traces the origin story of the Minions, following their evolution from single-celled yellow organisms to the lovable, gibberish-spouting goofs we know today. Right from their first spark of existence, the Minions have lived to serve the most despicable master they could find — whether that be a mean fish, a dinosaur, Napolean, or even a Victorian-style vampire. Having no master to serve, we learn, leads the Minions to a state of depressed torpor — though, more often than not, their innate clumsiness causes the master’s downfall. This extended sequence moves quickly through time, placing the Minions at major historical events, Forrest Gump-style, and it’s pure delight. This is the kind of humour the Minions do best: silly, visual, slapstick gags that you can’t help but laugh at. I would have loved to spend more time in this backstory.
But the rest of the film utterly fails to meet the standard set by this prologue. The jumps through time eventually cease, and the bulk of the film takes place in 1968, where the Minions’ search for a master ultimately leads them to Villain-Con in Orlando, where they encounter Scarlett Overkill (Sandra Bullock), the world’s first female super-villain. Quickly finding employment with Scarlett, who dreams of usurping the Queen’s throne and then taking over the world, the Minions travel to the villain’s home in London, where their first mission is to steal Queen Elizabeth’s crown.
Naturally, everything goes awry, and this is by far the weakest part of the film. Nothing about Scarlett’s world-domination plot is interesting or memorable. This is strictly paint-by-numbers territory here, and films aimed at children have done this so much better so many other times. None of the characters are developed enough for anyone but the youngest, most undiscerning viewers to care. Scarlett is a one-dimensional villain who felt ignored as a child. Her gadget-inventor husband Herb (Jon Hamm) has no character beyond being cocky. There’s even a sub-plot about a family of aspiring super-villains (led by Michael Keaton and Allison Janney) that is a complete waste of time.
The only characters in the film that are anything more than an afterthought are the Minions themselves — and sure, they’re lots of fun with their pratfalls and hijinks, but they’re hardly deep. They’re adorable (co-director Pierre Coffin continues to do stellar work as the voice of the Minions) but incapable of complex thoughts or feelings or ambitions, resulting in a totally hollow film that decisively proves that these Minions are best used in a supporting capacity. In the Despicable Me films, there was a strong theme of family and redemption. Both films worked best when focusing on the relationship between Gru and his girls. There was a sweetness to watching Gru discover love and realize that his villainy was simply a product of his loneliness. Subtract Gru and the girls from the film, and all you’re left with is the Minions being meaninglessly silly. The Despicable films were fairly superficial to begin with; Minions is just empty. It’s hard to find any message in the film at all — other than, perhaps, how important it is to find a master to serve.
Coffin, here directing alongside Kyle Balda (The Lorax), has been steering this franchise from the beginning, and perhaps it’s time to pause for a minute and reassess where these films are heading. Despicable Me 2 was already a significant step down from its predecessor; Minions is even worse than that. If you’ve seen the trailer for Minions, then you’ve already seen every one of the film’s best moments. So, just watch that again, chuckle, and move on. Minions being charming and funny is not enough of a concept to sustain an entire franchise, especially in a cinema landscape where Pixar and Disney have the catalogues that they have. The filmmakers need to reinvest in character and story stat, because with each new installment, the Despicable Me franchise is becoming more and more of an artless cash-grab.
